Class 5/28, Editing

The main task for today's class was to create an editing checklist. Takeaway points:

• everyone looks for different things (there are no absolutes)
• BUT, there are certain things that everyone values
  

What do/should we look for when we edit our papers?

• *flow
• *clarity (word choice, message, organization)
• *so what? (significance)
• *concise
• good support/evidence
• cohesion
• good transitions
• coherence
• compelling
• matches expectations of task
• strong conclusion
• makes sense
• necessary and sufficient
• sentence variation
• assumptions are explicit
• thesis sentence
• aware of audience
• appropriate scope

What is the audience looking for?

• A lot of of the same elements that we should look for when editing our papers, but always be aware of what your audience needs.
• Can be tricky to decide what type of language to use (simpler vs. more jargon)
• Tip for writing papers/presentations - write it to convince the most knowledgeable person in the room, but make sure that the least knowledgeable person will be able to understand it

Giving feedback

• Understand what type of feedback they're asking for and give them that. Make sure to clarify expectations.
• Pick one thing to work on and one thing that's really strong.
• Don't be overzealous in editing.
• Editing in the workplace is not about perfection, it's about interpersonal communication.
• "Read it and tell me what you think" can mean a lot of different things.

Peer review

• They always see things you didn't see.
• You tend to work harder on a piece when you know someone else is going to review it.

--Alicia Godlove

5/28 Class

Follow-up on panel meeting of Wed., May 27 and the “no excuses” policy:

• The panel discussed how - in the working world- no one wants to hear excuses and no one cares about excuses for why you didn’t get something done-
• They don’t care who was at fault .. they just want to hear what are you going to do to fix it

**** This is true for the corporate world but that is a bit extreme

**** It is not necessarily true for staff in academia or in government work- both of which move much slower than the corporate world.

**** Flip Side: If you work too hard at too intense a level, you are going to burn out

**** Really, it is about a good balance of getting your work done etc. and being rational at the same time

Today's topic: Editing

2 kinds of editing:

1. In our head/minds
2. What the audience is expecting

Goal of today is to create an Editing Worksheet: Checklist of what you want to make sure that you don’t miss when writing/editing a paper

3 Levels of Editing:

1. Global: overall read- how does the whole thing work together, are you getting your message across

2. Local: paragraph level- each paragraph as a community, how does first sentence support all the rest and how does it wrap up

3. Sentence : punctuation, mechanics, word choice

_____________________________

General ideas to keep in mind when you are writing:

• Would your grandmother understand?
• Assume an interdisciplinary audience – some highly knowledgeable and some not so knowledgeable. Test it to the most intelligent- have you maintained their interest without losing those people who don’t know very much?

Example: Malcolm Gladwell (author of Blink, and The Tipping Point) is a good example of writing very clearly- he has an appreciation that it is not about the “language”- it is about the ideas behind the language..and he really knows his material

Bridget’s suggestion:

· Use sideboxes in writingà sideboxes can be an area to explain or give clarification to those people who may not be familiar with the information AND those people who don’t need that extra info don’t really need to read it carefully

What do you look for when you are editing a paper?

In partners:

Tessa and Alicia:

1. comma usage

2. variety of sentence type

Bridget and Tariel

1. clear objective/thesis statement

2. flow/logical order

3. easy to find critical points?

Lara/Kate/Emily

1. flow/organization

2. relevant and appropriate recommendations

3. supporting and well-integrated evidence

4. answer the question- clear thesis

5. choice of language

6. appropriate scope

7. assumptions are explicit

Kelly and Alicia

1. thesis/big picture points

2. no long, wordy sentences

3. sentence flow within paragraph

4. tense/passive v. active agreement

5. format/organization

Nikki and Julie

1. intro and conclusion

2. spelling etc.

3. keep paragraph length concise (don’t let it get too big)

4. flow of paragraphs and sentences (avoid redundancy)

5. be aware of audience in terms of phrasing and word choice

Julia and Caitlin

1. concise

2. overall flow

3. topic/concluding sentences

4. sentence/word variation

5. grammar/punctuation

Shannon/Christina

1. Does it flow?

2. So what?

3. Concise and direct

4. Opening and closing sentence/paragraph

5. Strong intro and conclusion to Set the scene and sum it up

CLASS:

1. flow

2. clarity

a. word choice

b. organization

c. message

3. sentence variation

4. SO WHAT??? à significance (art is making it sound like it isn’t repetitive)

5. concise

ONE MAIN POINT when reading and/or editing a paper:

· Each reader is looking for slightly different things

· Writing is NOT math, not always right/wrong

· NO absolutes

· And there are things that everyone values: conciseness

GIVING and RECEIVING FEEDBACK:

(Interesting reading about this in Silvia – was not assigned)

How to manage feedback?

1. human element

2. you are not the last say on editing

3. depends what feedback is for: understand what the person is asking you for and ONLY give them that kind of feedback!!!!!

4. Pick one thing that they can work on and one thing that is really good (considering the time frame they have given you)

5. Don’t be overzealous!!!! – human element- more to writing than just having the perfect paper---

6. “Read it and tell me what you think?” means TOTALLY different things in different situations

i. At Bren

ii. Mean boss

iii. Colleague- 2 or 3 suggestions

7. ASK for what you NEED- clarify your expectations!

8. Turn-around quickly as possible…

9. Editing in the workplace isn’t about perfect piece, it is about the interpersonal collaboration

10. It isn’t worth insulting someone

11. But it isn’t worth NOT saying something if document will FAIL

12. So is a balance

* * No reader is going to read the paper as you read it!!!

Monica’s List

1. matches expectations of task

2. coherence (does it ever all make sense)

3. cohesion

4. clarity

5. compeling (so what)

6. well-supported

7. flow

8. transitions

9. strong conclusion

10. makes sense

11. necessary and sufficient (try to be necessary – do you have all info/evidence necessary to adequately cover it sufficiently- (BUT not too much to bore or scare reader)

Posted by Shannon Murray

5/26 Panel on Workplace Writing

Panelists: Matt Langley, Business Development Associate, (Clipper Wind Power), Aubrey Spilde, Transportation Planner, (SBCAG), Lara Polanksy, Bren MESM Student, EPA Summer Intern

Matt Langley, Business Development Associate, (Clipper Wind Power)
Writing in his job:
-Facilities $200million to 4 billion to construct, so if you don’t have a contract for the facility then you won’t get a loan to construct ← writing proposals is a critical part of the whole company
-Very detailed oriented
-Job is collaborative (herding cats) and translating engineering jargon
-Problem: things being turned in after they are due
-In technical fields, it’s a lot of writing of what you don’t know about,
-Also you may edit someone else’s work, so you need to be mindful of not changing the point of the writing.
-Some people think they are great writers and they aren’t, so be careful of how you handle their feelings
-People “hate” writing proposals if it isn’t part of their job
-Written Proposals = you only get one shot, if you lose it its costs $200 mill-to 4 bill

Aubrey Spilde, Transportation Planner, (SBCAG)
Writing in her job:
-Regional planning so there’s a lot of writing (long range plans, directives to where funding goes, staff reports – summarizing loooong document into 2 pages)
-A fair amount of collaboration, both in composition and editing
-“Writing styles between people will always be an issue in the workplace”

Lara Polanksy, Bren MESM Student, EPA Summer Intern
Writing in her job:
-Wrote and reviewed grant proposals for EPA
-Importance of mapping your statements to RFP requirements → easier to find information, more likely to get funding
- Interagency Collaboration: Independent research versus collaborative research (key is to keep checking back in with all the agencies to make sure it still makes sense)

Expertise
-Aubrey: Make sure things meant for the public can be understood by the public.

Where do assignments come from?
-Aubrey: Federally or state mandated
-Matt: I’m the assigner, I’m on the listserves that send proposals and I select which we will go after

What’s a day in your life?
-Lara: Reviewing proposals was a side project and usually done in haste (aka keep your proposals concise and easy to understand)
-Aubrey: Researching, writing, calculating, writing staff reports
-Matt: Travel a lot, 30-40% proposal writing, responsible for buying/selling assets

Communication Tips from Matt:
**When you communicate in emails – never use 10 words when 5 will do, don’t write more than 2 paragraphs if you want them to read the last sentence. People’s thumbs get tired of scrolling on the blackberry. ;)

What’s the turnaround time on the proposals?
-Matt: 45 days (give or take), but the time goes quick because of corralling and coordinating

What are the most challenging aspects of your writing?
-Aubrey: 1) Making complicated info clear to those not familiar with it, 2) Write emails that are direct so you actually get what you want (pinpoint who does what and by when).
-Matt: Time management is always a problem. Writing proposals is important but its hard to get people to do it. Also: specify what time something is due and at what time zone. Leadership is needed: it’s hard to stand up sometimes in order to limit scope.
-Lara: Making a strong case is difficult – leave time for data collection, limiting project scope is difficult (taking on too much, can result in poor knowledge and writing), coordinating with people is difficult.

Managing Time and Responsibilities:
-Jordan: At his internship, was writing a proposal that nobody was taking responsibility for, so by not being prepared for it, he learned a lot.
-Matt: described leadership in writing as “Managing Up” – When you’re given low level work, but need to coordinate contributions and sign off from higher ups.
-Matt: When estimating how long it will take you to do something, add about 40% for a good estimation
-Lucas: Sometimes even getting things done ahead of time doesn’t mean stress is avoided because other people may put off reviewing it.

Effective and Ineffective Communication:
- People will take your estimations of how difficult or time-consuming something is if you say it with authority.
-Boundary Bulldozer: If you are going to say a timeline or task is too demanding, you should have good reasons and time estimation to back your excuse up. Boundary bulldozers will ask why, why, why and try to get you to agree to their terms.
-It is always good to set due dates 10 days or 5 days early.
-Matt: Don’t be afraid to keep bothering someone until they get back to you with what you need.
-Monica: But also realize your ranking and that everyone is busy. Don’t be a bother until you’ve given them adequate time and advanced notice.
-Matt: Remember that most companies are operating at n –1, they’re at least one person short, so everyone has to do extra work.
-Know how hard to push, when to push and when not to push. Stay professional.
-The better you are as an employee, the easier it is to stand up for yourself.
–The people who give excuses are the ones who always give excuses and people stop believing in them or caring about them.
-Matt: “The unexpected happens, but it doesn’t happen everyday…”
--It doesn’t matter who is “right” or “wrong” when a proposal is late or not accepted, all that matters is the success of the project. Don’t spend time dwelling on blame, move forward.
--If you’re late to provide a colleague with information, “sorry for the delay” is the max apology to give, people don’t care beyond that (e.g., they don’t want to know about your sick cat or car trouble, they just want to know when they should expect the work to be done).

Spin failure or rejection as a learning experience
-When you send a proposal to a federal agency and it doesn’t get funded, you can ask for the reasons why and the funding agency will tell you why.
-Know when to speak up and don’t be afraid to even if you think you will look like you are overstepping your superiors (Maybe you’ll have more training or knowledge in a certain subject than they do, and if mistake isn’t caught by you, it could cost the company time and money)

--Julia Griffin

Tuesday, 5/26 Notes - continued from Kelli's previous post

Audience Need

Audience need is the most important decision you will make as a writer because it drives so many dimensions of the writing piece: word choice, emphasis, citations and sources etc. Different groups will be interested in different types of information. Audience will also dictate what type of examples the writer will use and conclusions drawn.

Audience Expectations

• What information will move them [statistices, percentages, dollar figures]
• So what? Why were they reading this? What was the call to action?
• Action/desired outcomes?
• What are the possibilities?
• Are you recommending or simply informing?

How to get past writer’s block

There is no reason for writers block if you are an academic writer. Nothing new is being created, it is all right there. It is not a novel or poetry. Something depressing about writing a dissertation is that you are usually writing for a very limited audience (ie. you and your advisor).

People who have a consistent writing practice report more frequent experiences of inspiration. Writing is practice.

Setting goals in writing can be very helpful. Much of writing is a lot like filling out a form. Take it one paragraph, title, or section at a time and it will help to get things flowing. Often it can be easier to write about topics or in settings where you are not fully invested in the product. At work, with set times, writing can become easier if you set aside certain times when you know you do your best writing. If you write better in the earlier morning, reserve these times. Find a practice that works well for you, but remember that it is just a practice.

--Jordan Sager

5/26 presentation by Sara Hughes

Sara Hughes presented about policy briefs to our writing class on Tuesday, May 26. In addition to her experience writing briefs as a PhD candidate, Sara is also a fellow in the Luce Fellows Program here at UCSB.

Sara described a brief as a straightforward document that is accessible to policymakers in a way that relays the information concisely, clearly, and supports their ability to make decisions. A main theme that was central to our discussion about briefs is the advice that Professor Anderson provided about writing a brief - keep it short.

Sara began with tips on when to use a brief:
- asked directly by a policymaker or organization that knows your research will contribute to their position or can help them make a decision about their position.
- foster clarity among interdisciplinary groups. A brief can be a quick way to let others know what your research is about and how it applies to the working group.

Next Sara discussed the various purposes of writing a brief:
- a brief can be used to summarize a complex science issue for policymakers - they want to get the expert's advice on an issue or learn about the latest results.
- use a brief to advocate for a policy option or political action that should be taken.
- summarize complex policy issues for scientists (not always the other way around!)
- don't forget - valuable purpose to a brief is to inform

We spent some time discussing audience, a central theme to our class. A brief may be written for the policymaker and his/her aids/staff, and their main goal is to keep their constituents happy. A different audience is managers who are charged with meeting targets/mandates and may use a brief as a support for a resource management decision or as a press release. It is important to remember that one brief may not fit all audiences, but it may be as simple as rearranging the order of the brief depending on the audience's needs.

Next we discussed the main elements of a brief and focused on the key findings. It is important to put these upfront to let the audience know what is the point of the brief, and then follow with the implications of these key findings. Then if action is warranted or other there is now a problem as a result, then setting the stage for policy change or new actions to be taken can be a solid way to finish the brief. It is also valuable to point out that everything is in working order.
The application of the brief, such as the mechanims to be used to address this issue or to call out who can use this information are also valuable elements of the brief.

It is always a good idea to consider interest groups and how they are likely to respond to this brief. How will each group be affected and how can I help my audience strategize to handling the counterargument are very helpful questions to try to answer while composing the brief.

Sara's valuable tips:

• make the goal of the brief explicit and early
• provide a summary of major points in a box, bullets, set aside in some fashion
• use graphics as much as possible to illustrate points
• be specific and direct, not academic, be cognizant of language - don't use language to try to cover up lack of knowledge - does NOT work
• stay true to needs and interests of your audience
• **strike a balance between professional, effective and informed to conclude brief - need to have a strong finishing statement that ends with something definitive

We also spent some time critiquing and example brief, which is posted to our class gauchospace. The use of cliches in a brief created some varying discussion between whether or not it is a good idea to use them - easy to understand by wide audience/not perceived well by writing professionals.

Thanks Sara for your time and valuable information!

-Kelli

ESM 437 Class - 5/21/09

The focus of today’s class was writing reports. Below is a summary of the major points that were covered in class.

Reports in General
Reports are generally not intended to summarize (They are often 200+ pages long).

Some things common to reports that were posted by class members in our forum were the use of visuals such as charts or maps or graphs, inclusion of some sort of introduction, use of headings to organize the document (the headings were more descriptive than those in journal articles). The language in these reports differed depending on the audience (some were more technical and some less so) but most tended to be less dense than Journal articles.

Presentation by Kate on Writing Professional Reports
1.Kate is presenting from a consulting perspective and the main thing she noticed in her work was that writing is a very collaborative process (“there is always another set of eyes on your writing”)
a.Her main audiences were regulatory agencies and corporate clients
b.The audience dictated both what sections were included in the document and what type of language was used.

2.Organization
a.Clients probably read executive summary, results, and conclusions so they should be well written and easy to find
b.Tables of contents are good for directing the reader to the location on specific sections of the report and to show the reader you understand and can provide what they need
c.Figures and tables can be listed separately below the table of contents

3.Length
a.Kate’s reports were no longer than 20p. but often you will need to write longer reports
b.It is helpful to look at other reports written by your company to get an idea of general length

4.Style
a.This will be specific to your employer and audience. For example, in Kate’s report they used the term “element” instead of chapter or issue to describe different sections of the report.
b.To get a feel for your company’s style read similar company documents
c.Make sure to write clearly and concisely as opposed to using a lot of big GRE type words

5.Challenges
a.You may need to write about unfamiliar topics or about something beyond your comfort zone. To help you do this you can ask questions to your co-workers or superiors to get more definition or clarification. You can also do background research/reading on the topic.

6.Take away points
a.Writing is a collaborative effort so try not to get offended by feedback from others or offend others with your feedback
b.Word choice is key so try to be clear and concise
c.Unfamiliar projects will come up so be ready and know how to address it

Purpose and Audience Need
1.The report posted by Kelli on Ecosystem Service Markets is a good example of a well stated purpose. Not only was the purpose clearly stated but the report also defines terms and then gives categorized examples in a manner that is very well organized. This prevents the reader from having to organize the information themselves.
a.When you read a report you should always ask “what is the purpose of the report?”
b.In terms of intro organization a good method is to state your purpose then the categories you will address and finally the assumptions guiding the information.

2.Another good example of organization is the paper on food that Bridget posted.

3.In the introduction of the paper that Christina posted the authors explain the purpose, the need the report is filling, and then who produced it. Conversely in the introduction to the report posted by Kelli they present a problem statement and present a solution. The audience for Christina’s report is more technical (denoted by the use of acronyms and technical language) while the audience for Kelli’s is more the general public. This can also be seen in how the intro to Christina’s paper is short and to the point because people who read these reports don’t need to be eased into the topic like a general public audience would be.

4.Another good example of a paper is the paper Tessa submitted which actually has a heading titled “purpose.”
a.This paper also has good visuals such as maps and is a little different because it has references which indicate it is more directed towards a research community.

5.The report that Lucas posted did not have great visuals because they did not place the pictures well and because everyone seems to be leaving the community in the pictures. Also the context map is pixilated, does not have a good scale bar, and the north arrow is not well placed.
a.In the report that Tessa posted the graphics are a lot stronger but there is a lack of color coordination and the one graphic of patches is just ugly and doesn’t go with the rest of the report.

6.The report that Lara posted is obviously professionally laid out. It has a lot of color and gradient shading and very high quality pictures. The pictures are not labeled because they are just included to provide readers with nice visuals and also because picture labels can sometimes be intimidating to the general public.

Report Analysis Activity
In this activity we reviewed the reports posted to the class forum by class members and picked one to analyze in detail. The questions we tried to answer were:
1. What is the main message/purpose?
2. Who is the target audience?
3. What assumptions do the authors make about audience need?
4. How does language communicate these decisions/assumptions?

Take Away Messages about Report Writing
1. Effective report writing requires:
a. Knowing your audience and what they need/want
b. Addressing the audience needs in the document
2. Reports are longer than journal articles
3. Report writing is often collaborative

Blogging
Blogging is a great way to get the word out and “enhance your brand.”

Everyone has a brand: it’s you. You are who you are wherever you go… and you should rep your brand wherever you go!

The goal of blogging about this class is to provide class notes as a resource class members can refer to in the future when in the workforce and want to remember something that was covered in the class.

Post By: T.Bernhardt

ESM 437: Journal Article Writing

19^th May 2009

Introduction and Abstracts

· Need to get into a reader’s head when writing the paper to ensure paper is coherent

· We don’t want the reader to struggle when reading our paper

· May have to repeatedly use the same key words over and over again that signal what we are going to talk about

· Can also use signal phrases in both introduction and abstract to help reader make sense of the material to be presented:

o This paper presents… => Reader expects to hear what will be discussed in the paper that follows

o Surprisingly little attention has…. => Reader expects us to identify what is missing in research

Elements of an effective introduction

1. CARS; Creating A Research Space (here is what has already been covered and here is what I am contributing to the research space)

2. Methods

3. Findings (provide a hint of what the findings were, do not explicitly explain the findings so that you can keep the readers interested in reading the entire paper)

4. Significance (So what? Why is this significant? What are the implications?)

5. What/ How/ Why/Where

6. Problem statement (use of strong examples and of explicit words)

7. Solutions focus (should state goal of paper)

8. Background (extent depends on how much space we have and how important it is to our readers)

9. Make it compelling (sexy enough for people to feel the need to read it throughout)

10. Fishing expedition vs. archaeological excavation (how much information do you need to get your point across?)

Silvia (2007) offers a formula:

a. Background

b. Basic research

c. Description of experiments

· Use of headings and subheadings to keep work organized and easy to read (could be in the form of questions relating to what you are going to talk about)

Elements of an effective abstract

1. Overview of what paper will be talking about, including findings and conclusions

2. Written in a different way than the introduction (jumps straight to the point)

3. Need to include all compelling and useful information of the paper in the abstract (might be the only thing readers read)

4. Sets the frame straight up

5. CARS; Creating A Research Space (here is what has already been covered and here is what I am contributing to the research space)

Conclusions in academic journals

· Conclusion also needs to be compelling, innovative and sexy (will probably be read alongside abstract and/or introduction)

· Determine what is the main point you want to get across and how to support it before writing (e.g., most likely findings and their implications/applications/recommendations)

· Conclusion should also include suggestions for future research

· Might be useful sometimes to write backwards and start with the conclusion first

Note:

**Good writing follows a formula and has a consistent framework; can however be creative within the framework.

** The key characteristics of good writing are:

-Clarity

-Elegance

-Simplicity in wording (avoid jargon as much as possible)

** Star moments; a phrase or word that the reader s will remember and take with them

** Active vs. passive voice; choice depends on how much you would like to distance yourself from a claim you are making

** Use well thought out sentences; try to accomplish as much as you can in one sentence

--Christina Tsiarta